Get your headphones ready, head over to Podiobooks and get ready to listen and laugh.
“You Never Miss the Dopamine (until the brain runs dry), Vol. 1” has been released as a FREE AUDIO BOOK at Podiobooks.com. Here’s the dust jacket version.
He’s quickly becoming the Lewis Black of Parkinson’s Disease.
In a series of hilarious essays, Bill Schmalfeldt (author of “No Doorway Wide Enough”, also on Podiobooks) lashes out at Parkinson’s Disease “and the other things that annoy me.” Recorded at his kitchen table, you can hear life going on in the background as Bill talks about stupid studies that prove things that anyone with common sense should know (“Parkies who drool are embarrassed by it! It’s SCIENCE!”), his own declining cognitive status (“Pills don’t work… unless you TAKE them!”), the non-motor symptoms of Parkinson’s (“I think the thing to do is take some daily Metamucil to make a poop that doesn’t have to fight its way out every morning like the Incredible Hulk busting out of a police station.”), why he had to quit drinking (“One of the pills I take said alcohol could cause the adverse side effect of death.”), and a lot about the weird dreams that are caused by the disease and the medication he takes for the disease. Oh, and he’s not much of a “Tea Party” fan, either.
Bill cautions in the foreword of the book, if you find yourself LEARNING something or feeling sorry for him, put the book down immediately! That’s not what he wrote it for. He wrote it to fight back against the disease and to give you something to laugh about. “PD can’t affect the human spirit — unless you let it! And who doesn’t enjoy a funny book about disease?”
“You Never Miss the Dopamine (until the brain runs dry)” is available in paperback, eBook and Kindle through his blog — http://parkinsondiary.com — and like his PREVIOUS books about Parkinson’s, 100% of the author proceeds will be given to the National Parkinson Foundation and the Charles DBS Research Fund at Vanderbilt University Medical Center.
And unlike my previous offerings, this is a SHORT book! JUST SIX EPISODES!
| Title | Description | Date Created |
| PB-Dopamine-01 (24.47 MB) |
In this initial episode, author Bill Schmalfeldt sets down some ground rules. “If you start “feeling sorry” for me… TURN THIS PODIOBOOK OFF! That’s not what it’s for! It’s about my life as a guy with Parkinson’s disease and the other crap that annoys me. This book is designed to amuse and entertain, to astound and enchant… not to enlighten!” In the first of several short, hilarious essays, Bill writes about a whiny daughter who whined about her whiny husband and their whiny kids who were forced — FORCED, I tell you — to care for her father with Parkinson’s… for MONTHS! Much to her dad’s relief, he eventually found a nursing home and died. Bill also discusses his own father, his wild disease and drug-induced dreams, and busting his head on the bedroom wall while doing balance exercises. | Nov 10, 2010 |
| PB-Dopamine-02 (26.58 MB) |
In the second episode of this outrageous series of real-life essays, author Bill Schmalfeldt talks about the gradual onset of mild cognitive impairment and how his wife helps keep him in line. He relates a story about sensory overload at a shopping mall and being impaled on a doggy toy box. (“I asked my wife to lift my shirt and tell me how much of my intestines were hanging out. Happily, the answer was none.”) And he complains about news reports that claim Parkinson’s is a “fatal disease.” | Nov 10, 2010 |
| PB-Dopamine-03 (26.93 MB) |
In the third episode of this wild series of real life essays, Bill Schmalfeldt discusses the dependability of “Depends”. He asks what you mean when you say you are “extremely patriotic.” He shares some letters generated by his blog. And he reaches out to a special reader in Wasilla, Alaska. | Nov 10, 2010 |
| PB-Dopamine-04 (20.4 MB) |
In this fourth episode of hilarious true essays, Bill Schmalfeldt talks drugs, booze and constipation. He confesses that the extra levodopa helps with the Parkinson’s disease-related cramps at night, but OY the dreams! (Being married to Betty Boop, for instance.) And he talks about a peculiarly German clinical trial to test young girls’ fear responses — with spiders. Oh, those wacky scientists! | Nov 10, 2010 |
| PB-Dopamine-05 (23.22 MB) |
In the fifth installment of his hilarious true life essays about “Life with Parkinson’s disease, and the other crap that annoys me,” Bill Schmalfeldt discusses the UP side of the disease, bonking his head on a kitchen cabinet while killing ants (pain and pleasure!), more of his “bad radio” dreams, and a few words on speech difficulties. | Nov 10, 2010 |
| PB-Dopamine-06 (23.45 MB) |
Author Bill Schmalfeldt wraps up his first volume of essays by mocking his midbrain, tormenting his little sister over her toy cell phone, and sharing his bizarre, levodopa-induced dreams. “You Never Miss the Dopamine… (until the brain runs dry) Vol. 1 is available on Bill’s website, http://parkinsondiary.com, and at Amazon and Barnes & Noble’s websites. His second volume of essays, “Dopamine-2” is also available on his website, Amazon and B&N. And don’t forget to donate! 100 percent goes to PD Research. |
Now, if you’ll pardon me, I have to get busy culling my friends list on Facebook. For those of you who download… enjoy. The book is free, but if you feel like donating that would be cool! And the good folks at Podiobooks assure me that 100 percent of the book proceeds will be donated to the National Parkinson Foundation and the Charles DBS Research Fund at Vanderbilt University Medical Center. So have a laugh at my expense, and do a good thing in the meantime.
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