Air Travelers — Quit Whining and Spread ‘Em!

I know, I know, it’s not YOUR fault that some Al Qaeda asswipe hid a bomb in his taint.  But he got the bomb on the plane and it’s only because he was functionally retarded that he didn’t blow up an airplane filled with jolly Christmas travelers over Detroit — the flaming wreckage of which would have resulted in some much needed urban improvement, but that many dead people would be a BAD thing.

SO QUIT WHINING, so the yapping empty heads on CNN and MSNBC (I don’t know what they’re saying on Faux News because there isn’t enough water in the local reservoir to waterboard me into watching that unfiltered teabagger propaganda) can stop yapping about the HORRORS of getting your BOOBIES almost touched to make sure you aren’t packing PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES where your NIPPLES should be, you bomb-carrying terrorist transvestite!

Seriously.  If there ever was a media-crafted SCARE story, it’s THIS one.  They showed a picture the other day of a nun getting felt up by TSA agents.  Yes.  A nun.  BECAUSE THE LAST THING A TERRORIST WOULD EVER TRY TO DO IS DISGUISE HIM OR HERSELF AS SOMETHING THAT WOULD AVOID SUSPICION!!!

You know what?  Here’s an idea.  You don’t want a dude with a plastic blue glove checking your ball sack, DON’T FLY!  Ride the bus.  Take the train.  I’ve done both and have NEVER had my junk probed by ANYONE… as interesting as this would have made the trips.

If you have a better idea for making sure that terrorists aren’t sneaking C-4 and a box of kitchen matches onto a plane by poking it up their ass, then let’s hear it.  And no, you can’t just check every Middle Easterner.  As nice and satisfyingly racist as that idea may seem at first, like I said — when they DO blow up a plane, it will be with someone that NOBODY SUSPECTED.

So if you’re gonna fly, quit your whining, spread your legs and think warm thoughts.

Related articles

• Security protest could disrupt Thanksgiving travel (thenewstribune.com)
• A Terrorist can now bypass TSA security altogether via accommodation (votingfemale.wordpress.com)
• Is America Freaking Out Too Much Over Naked Body Scans? (minx.cc)
• You: Al-Qaeda affiliate threatens more small-scale bomb attacks (washingtonpost.com)
• U.S. security rethinking airline screening: Official (windsorstar.com)